Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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