I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
