so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You smell like stripper and shame
the day after is always just damage control
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
