i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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