So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
