We won't sleep together?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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