I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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