I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
