i don't like sucking hair
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
