Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
