HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
