I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
