Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There r osticjed everywhere
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
