1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
