There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
