Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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