Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
