Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
