I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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