Duck Duck Cougar?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
