i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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