I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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