I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
