And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
