If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
