I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
