I need help removing her.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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