I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
