Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
