I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
