i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize