Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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