should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
