I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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