last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
