This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
