Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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