shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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