Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
