TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
