If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
