AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
