you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
