No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
