need another drink. this is the easiest way
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
