So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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