OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
