so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
