how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
