Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
