2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
