You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
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