you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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