Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
