it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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